THE BIGEST SPAM ZONE !

An uncle has been waiting for the bus at the bus stops. After few minutes, the bus arrives but did not stop at the bus stop. The uncle thought it will stop a bit further so he start running after the bus.

Unfortunately, the bus never stop. It keeps running. The uncle keeps following the bus until he realizes that he arrives home already.

The uncle is very happy that he can save a bit of money today. He happily told his wife "Honey, you know, today I ran after the bus until arriving home. I don't have to pay the bus fee"

"Stupid" instead of compliment, the wife surprisingly blames her husband. "Do you know how much you can save, if you ran after taxi!!"

 

" How was your blind date ? " a college student asked her roommate.
" Terrible ! " the roommate answered. " He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce".
" Wow! That's a very expensive car. What 's so bad about that ? "
" He was the original owner."

 

In one interview, the interviewer got impatient about one guy because he could answer all the questions so quickly and arrogantly.

"Tell me your choice," said he to the boy, "I shall either ask you ten easy questions or ONE real difficult. Think well before you make up your mind."


The boy thought for a while and said, "My choice is ONE real difficult question."

I "Well, good luck to you, you have made your own choice!" said the man on the opposite side. Tell me: What comes first, Day or Night?"


The boy was jolted first but he waited for a while and said: "It's the DAY, sir."


"How??" the interviewer was smiling ("At last, I got you!" he said to himself.)


"Sorry sir, you promised me that you will not ask me a SECOND difficult question!"


Admission for the course was thus secured.

 

One Chinese person walks into a bar in America late one night and he saw Steven Spielberg.

As he was a great fan of his movies, he rushes over to him, and asks for his autograph.

Instead, Spielberg gives him a slap and says "You Chinese people bombed our Pearl Harbor, get out of here."

The astonished Chinese man replied "It was not the Chinese who bombed your Pearl Harbor, it was the Japanese". "Chinese, Japanese, Taiwanese, you're all the same," replied Spielberg.

In return, the Chinese gives Spielberg a slap and says "You sank the Titanic, my forefathers were on that ship." Shocked, Spielberg replies "It was the iceberg that sank the ship, not me."

The Chinese replies, "Iceberg, Spielberg, Carlsberg, you're all the same."

 

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they
were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000,
or you can bury her here, in The Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home,
when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only
$150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days
later he rose from the dead.

“I just can't take that chance."

 

A husband comfortably laid down on the couch before his wife comes in and ask

"Can you fix the light in the bathroom for me?"

"Do you think I work for General Electric?" The husband replied.

"Can you fix the refrigerator?" The wife asked again.

"Do you think i work for Samsung?" same replied by the husband.

"So, can you just bring the parcel to the post office please?" The wife asked for one last time.

"Let me tell you something. I don't work for FedEx either ok?" The husband cruelly replied.

The husband feel so annoying by his wife and angrily leave the house. When he got home. He surprisingly found that the light and refriegerator were well fixed and the parcel was gone. He asked his wife. "How do you handle all of these?"

The wife said "Well, I was crying in front of the house when you leave. One guy walked pass and ask if there was anything he can help. I told him everything and he offer me that he would do everything for me if I either make love with him or bake him some cookies.

The husband asked. "So, what kind of cookies did you make for him?"

"Cookies? Do you think I work for Oreo?" Replied by his wife.

 

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan.


He asks, "What was that for?"


She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with 'Betty Sue' written on it."
He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? 'Betty Sue' was the name of the horse I went there to bet on."

She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he's reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan.

He asks, "What was that for?"

She answers, "Your horse called."

 

A tramp lie down and sleep in the park. He had been sleeping for about 5 minutes when a couple walked by. The man stopped, woke the tramp up , and asked him, "Excuse me.

Do you know what the time is?" The tramp replied, "I'm sorry - I don't have a watch, so I don't know the time."

The man apologised for waking the tramp and the couple walked away.

The tramp lay down again, and after a few minutes went back to sleep. Just then, a woman, who was out walking her dog, shook the tramp's shoulder until he woke up again.

The woman said, "I'm sorry to trouble you, but I'm afraid I've lost my watch - do you happen to know the time?" The tramp was a little annoyed at being woken up again, but he politely told the woman that he didn't have a watch and didn't know the time.

After the woman had gone, the tramp had an idea.

He opened the bag that contained all his possessions and got out a pen, a piece of paper and some string. On the paper, he wrote down, 'I do not have a watch. I do not know the time'.

He then hung the paper round his neck and eventually dropped off again.

After about 15 minutes, a policeman who was walking through the park noticed the tramp asleep on the bench, and the sign around his neck.

He woke the tramp up and said, "I read your sign. I thought you'd like to know that it's 2:30 p.m."

 

A guy walks into a bar with a dog under his arm, puts the dog on the bar and announces that the dog can talk and that he has $100 he's willing to bet anyone who says he can't.

The bartender quickly takes the bet and the owner looks at the dog and asks, "What's the thing on top of this building which keeps the rain from coming inside?"

The dog answers "ROOF." The bartender says, "Who are you kidding? I'm not paying."

The dogs owner says, "How about double or nothing and I'll ask him something else." The bartender agrees and the owner turns to the dog and asks, "Who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"

The dog answers with a muffled "RUD." With that the bartender picks them both up and throws them out the door.

As they bounce on the sidewalk the dog looks at his owner and says, "Ronaldinho?"

 

Pamela Stamp

"Why did they stop printing PAMELA ANDERSON stamps in the U.S.?"
Answer: "Because people started licking the wrong side."

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Funny wife

A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "I like your sense of humor."

 

In an anatomy class, a professor teaches his students with the real dead body.

Every students stand around the surgery table. The dead body lie there covering by a big white blanket.

The professor starts teaching " To be a good doctor, there are two important things that everyone of you have to keep in mind. The first one is NEVER FEEL DISGUSTING WITH THE BODY"

The professor then open the blanket and slowly poke his finger deeply to the dead body's anus, spin the finger and suck it right in front of the students.

The professor said to everyone "do it Hurry!"

The students are all feeling very disgusting with the bizarre example but they all decide to do it just to satisfy the professor.

After everyone is done, the professor strongly stare at everyone and said out loud.

"Well, the second important thing for being a good doctor is that "BE OBSERVANT." If you noticed it you would see that I poke my middle finger in the anus but suck my index finger!!"

 

Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.

 

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says,
"He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink.
You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich...?
That's Brand Recognition.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich.
Marry me" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback

 

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