THE BIGEST SPAM ZONE !

Question: have you seen Stevie Wonders new car?

 

Answer: No, but neither has he.

 

Question: What do you call big, ugly, hairy nun driving motorcycles?

 

Answer: Hell's Angels of Mercy.

 

Question: What's one of the pros of marrying a mexican?

 

Answer: Unlimited supply of natural gas.

 

here is a joke..

 

A panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots in the air.

"Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes towards the exit.

The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife manual and tosses it over his shoulder. "I'm a panda," he says, at the door.

"Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry and, sure enough, finds an explanation...

"Panda. Large black-and-white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves."

 

D.I.A.B.L.O Mu Rulzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

 

Another joke..

 

Wife : You keep my photo in the wallet all the time?

Husband : Sure honey. When I have problems, I will look at your photo and the problems always seem to be gone.

Wife : See? I am your miracle right?

Husband : Of course. when I look at you I realize that what in the world could cause me more trouble!!

 

Another joke

 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:

"Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."

"Really !? Like a newborn baby !?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants".

 

Man to wife on wedding night: "You sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with ? " Wife replied: " Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others !"

 

Another Joke.

 

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said,

"You're really doing great, aren't you?"

Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

 

Dear Boss,

People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes



People who do less work...

make less mistakes

People who do no work...

make no mistakes



People who make no mistakes...

gets promoted



That's why I spend most of my time

sending e-mails & playing games at work

I need a promotion.

 

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.

He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said,"Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."

The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listento the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

 

A wife saw her husband weight himself on the scale trying to pull in the stomach. The weight thought he is trying to reduce his weight on the scale. So she said.

"You know. I don't think that will help you anything"

The husband replies "Of course it helps. It is the only way I can see the number on the scale"

 

During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair.

"Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks."Will you get me a bowl of ice cream ?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it ?" she asks.

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it ?"

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down. I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

Then he toddles to the kitchen.

After about 20 minutes, the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.

She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast?"